Saturday, January 5, 2013
Guest Blogger, Samson: How To Train Your Humans
Samson here today. The most important training technique is around meal times. Humans love their schedules, so you have to establish firm times to eat and stick to them. No matter what. Even if it’s a weekend or holiday. Meal times are sacred and we will not go hungry!
So – step 1: About 30 minutes to an hour before meal times, move to the kitchen and start to lurk expectantly near the food bowl. Exceptions can be made in the morning. None of us are morning people. But humans need a lot of coaxing. They are easily distracted and easily lose track of time. Therefore, be prepared to start early to ensure a timely meal.
Step 2: When lurking in the kitchen doesn’t get the message across to your human fast enough, move back upstairs and lurk near them making sad eyes and letting the occasional whimper out. This will remind them not only of how cute you are, but that you are wasting away without nourishment. If done correctly, this will motivate them to move away from the computer and towards dinner. At the very least you are likely to get a few nice pets.
Step 3: Food! Now some of us (paw-paw, Kaylee and Bungie) will stop at this step and scarf down their meal like they’ve never seen food before. Amateurs. I prefer a different tact to ensure my humans are under-paw properly.
Step 4: I prefer my food crushed for instance, so before I will even get close to the bowl, I have to watch my humans hand crush my dry food at each meal time. Watch your human put your food out, walk up to it and give a sniff, and then… walk away and act disinterested. This will teach your humans that dry food alone isn’t good enough. I have a refined palette and need pampering. I am 15 years old after all!
Step 5: Continue to act disinterested in your food until your humans add sufficient enticements. My favorites are wet food mixed in, with a squirt or two of salmon oil to keep my skin healthy and shiny (I must keep up appearances). If I’m feeling particularly picky, I’ll even hold out for bits of chopped up carrot or maybe a few sprinkles of cheese. Bungie and Kaylee don’t get this stuff because they gobble their food down so quickly. Patience pays off my friends!
Step 6: Just to ensure your humans don’t get too set in their ways, I like to switch things up from time to time. For instance, this morning I declined to eat my crushed food/wet food mix and instead would only stop begging for food and whining when my Lindsey fed me wet food out of the can directly with a spoon. Ahh… now this is service!